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          她只属于流浪

          编辑:美文阅读网来源:美文阅读网发布时间:2019-07-26阅读(99)

            许久之前,街头散步,偶然听到老街的旧音像店里缓缓流淌出一段老旧而熟悉的旋律。

            “不要问我从哪里来,我的故乡在何方,为什么流浪,流浪远方,流浪……”女声空灵又苍茫,朦朦胧胧,似一缕飘忽不定的风四处流散,消失在这山城狭窄的街角。

            遇见她,就猝不及防。

            白落梅说她是“烟花一样寂寞的女子,月光一样骄傲的女子,沙漠一样荒凉的女子。”打沙漠而来,洗去一身尘埃。她身材高挑,散着一头乌黑长发,带着一种繁华落尽的沧桑,一种意兴阑珊的美丽。眉眼里藏了世人读不懂的情绪,目光却永远都是坚定的。

            从重庆到南京,再经上海远渡台湾,颠沛流离,漂泊的童年永远都是潮湿的雨季。南京鼓楼里愉悦轻松的一段读书时光,塑造了早慧而叛逆的她。嫌名字难写,就把“懋”字删了成为“陈平”;不堪老师嘲笑的侮辱,逃学到墓地找一方安宁。从小便知晓繁华的金陵不是她的归宿,于是收拾行囊万里流浪。只是她不知,她心里的远方,是她穷极一生去追寻的梦。

            记得,有人评价三毛喜欢追求幻影,创造悲剧美,等到悲剧美、幻影成为真实的时候,她便开始逃避,执着于飘零和幻想。她性情怪癖,敏感又孤绝,特立独行。特别的装扮,特别的思想,与她特别的字体一起,组成她不羁又自在随风的人生。在她眼中,井然有序的绘画线条画不出她内心的斑斓,风雅别致的唐诗宋词同样不适合风花雪月。

            她注定是个叛世离俗的女子,红尘一趟,走马观花而过,像饮了一杯苦茶,初尝苦涩后久久回甘。薄凉却情深,初见顾福生时的一见钟情,与舒凡相恋时的怦然心动,最后醉倒在荷西的怀抱里,成了世人眼中的三毛。

            折一笠月,笼一袖风。带了简单的行囊和满心欢喜,携爱人的手,毅然决然地踏入撒哈拉。她用最童真的眼光去看,用最火热的心去感受,在沙漠里固执地长成一棵树,一半洒落阴凉,一半沐浴阳光。世人看沙漠,多是荒芜贫瘠,干涸又苦涩的,但在她眼中,沙漠早晨的天空,是“巨大的沉睡的女人的胴体”,路,是“流淌在苍穹下发光的小河”,撒哈拉,是“思念堆积成的荒原”。想来那段时光的她,真是如一个小女孩儿一般天真。荷西给她的求婚信,她反反复复看了不下十遍;荷西送给她的骆驼头骨,她高兴了许久许久。她好奇当地的风情习惯,甘于贫苦,把一个小房子细细装饰,倾尽了柔情和诗意,把生活过得简单又浪漫。遥遥无边的大漠黄沙,阻隔了喧嚣,她就索性占领了这片土地,筑起自己的高墙,一路高歌,用七年来描绘幸福的蓝图。

            “有时候,我多么希望能有一双睿智的眼睛能够看穿我,能够明白了解我的一切,包括所有的斑斓和荒芜。那双眼眸能够穿透我的最为本质的灵魂,直抵我心灵深处那個真实的自己,她的话语能解决我所有的迷惑,或是对我的所作所为能有一针见血的评价。”迷茫里,她一直寻找一个依靠,庆幸的是,六年后,她还是找到了。沉沉的,箴言一般的承诺“你等我六年,六年一过,我就娶你。”遇见你之前,只知人情薄暖,世事无常,遇见你之后,不知沙漠里也开满了鲜花。结婚时,她对荷西说,自己不会改变自己的性格和处世方式,而荷西的回答是“你如果因此改变了自己,我还娶你干嘛呢?”爱一个人,莫过于爱她的所有以至灵魂。

            许多人爱上这么一句话“繁华尽处,寻一处无人山谷,建一木制小屋,铺一青石小路,与你晨钟暮鼓,安之若素。”漂泊太久,遇着一处温柔乡,便想卸了满身的疲惫,大梦一场。“这世界应该有光的,如果没有,我就让它在心里长出来。”不去想明天如何,把握了当下便足矣。她要的不多,不过是可以一个依靠的肩膀,一个可以哭泣的胸膛,可以安抚她内心的空虚,把孤独安放。一生里,她鲜少留给自己栖身静养的时光。不甘寂寞的她,一直走着走着,不肯回头。儿时的雨季犹如许多年后抚慰心灵的甘霖,但是前尘如梦,醉倒在河床里,醒来却没有熟悉的日出。如她所言所感,心若没有栖息的地方,到哪里都是流浪。儿时的雨季不再来,梦里花落亦不知多少。

            无论此后一生的别离苦痛如何,她都把最真最好的自己,留给了那个大男孩儿和她爱过的撒哈拉。即使到最后,她谈起自己的前半生还是会泪流满面,但她儿时的拾荒一梦,她身后走过的每一步,都成了世人眼中诗和远方的信仰。

            所以后来的人,无一不向往她笔下的远方。只是鲜少有人肯舍弃尘世洗净自我投入沙漠的怀抱。只记得一个姑娘穿了大袖的汉服,黑发简单地绾在脑后,抱了一把木制吉他迎着夕阳盘腿而坐,兀自弹唱。远方霞光绚烂,姑娘的背影也越发模糊,仿佛大漠深处孤傲绽放着的一朵沙漠玫瑰,寂寞却鲜活??芍站渴谴掖乙幻?,萍水相逢。漠上红颜一瞬,迷离恍惚如同海市蜃楼,不真实却又久久难以释怀。

            大漠里藏了无数的情绪,它荒冷惨淡,灼热又寒凉??此蒲纤嗬淠?,却也热情滚烫。三毛不留恋江南水色,不向往大海风光,不去广阔无垠的草原,却跌跌撞撞来了这片荒原。无数旅人踏沙而来,意兴阑珊而去。而大漠里斑斓的故事,是一个遥远的传说,也是一曲久久不息的笙歌。

            如果可以,我也愿意成为一个她那样的姑娘,洒脱又自在,带着一身的才情和浪漫,舍了这世间浮华,有一个可以相拥而泣的爱人,牵一匹自由矫健的野马,向远方奔去,最后醉倒在大漠深处。万水千山走遍,只为心中那棵苍翠的橄榄树。

            (文/公子苜叶)

          本文标题:她只属于流浪

          本文链接http://www.tforce-tech.com/sanwen/shanggan/11313.html

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