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          巴金:你既然爱我,为何又要苦苦地留住我?

          编辑:莳钰love来源:美文阅读网发布时间:2016-07-28阅读(99)

            近来不知道什么缘故,这颗心痛得更厉害了。

            我要向我的母亲说:“妈妈,请你把我这颗心收回去罢,我不要它了。”

            记得你当初把这颗心交给我的时候,你对我说过:“你的爸爸一辈子拿了它待人,爱人,他和平安宁地过了一生。他临死把这颗心交给我,要我将来在你长成的时候交给你,他说,承受这颗心的人将永远正直,幸福,而且和平安宁地度过他的一生。现在你长成了,那么你就承受了这颗心,带着我的祝福。到广大的世界中去罢。”

            这几年来我怀着这颗心走遍了世界,走遍了人心的沙漠,所得到的只是痛苦,痛苦的创痕。正直在哪里?幸福在哪里?和平在哪里?这一切可怕的景象,哪一天才会看不见?这一切可怕的声音,哪一天才会听不到?这样的悲剧,哪一天才不会再演?一切都像箭一般地射到我的心上。我的心上已经布满了痛苦的创痕。因此我的心痛得更厉害了。

            我不要这颗心了。有了它,我不能够闭目为盲;有了它,我不能够塞耳为聋;有了它,我不能吞炭为哑;有了它,我不能够在人群的痛苦中找寻我的幸福;有了它,我不能够和平地生活在这个世界;有了它,我再也不能够生活下去了。

            妈妈,请你饶了我罢,这颗心我实在不要,不能够要了。

            我夜夜在哭,因为我的心实在痛得忍受不住了。它看不得人间的惨剧,听不得人间的哀号,受不得人间的凌辱。它每一次跟着我游历了人心的沙漠,带了遍体的伤痕归来,我就用我的眼泪洗净了它的血迹。然而它的伤痕刚刚好一点,新的创痕又来了。

            有一次似乎它也向我要求了:你放我走罢,我实在不愿意活了。请你放了我,让我把自己炸毁,世间再没有比看见别人的痛苦而不能帮助的事更痛苦的了。你既然爱我,为何又要苦苦地留着我?留着我来受这种刺心刻骨的痛苦?我要放走它,我决心让它走。然而它却被你的祝福拴在我的胸膛内了。

            我多时以来就下决心放弃一切。让人们去竞争,去残杀;让人们来虐待我,凌辱我。我只愿有一时的安息。

            可是我的心不肯这样,它要使我看,听,说。

            看我所怕看的,听我所怕听的,说我所不愿听的。

            于是我又向它要求道:心啊,你去罢,不要苦苦地恋着我了。有了你,无论如何我不能够活在这样的世界上了。请你为了我的幸福的缘故,撇开我罢。

            它没有回答。因为它如今知道,既然它已被你的祝福系在我的胸膛上,那么也只能由你的诅咒而分开。

            妈妈,请你诅咒我罢,请你允许我放走这颗心去罢,让它去毁灭罢,因为它不能活在这样的世界上,而有了它,我也不能够活在这个世界上了。

            我有了这颗心以来,我追求光明,追求人间的爱,追求我理想中的英雄。到而今我的爱被人出卖,我的幻想完全破灭,剩下来的依然是黑暗和孤独。受惯了人们的凌辱,看惯了人间的惨剧。现在,一切都受够了。

            可是这一切总不能毁坏我的心,弄掉我的心,因为没有得到母亲的诅咒,这颗心是不会离开我的。所以为了你的孩子的幸福的缘故,请你诅咒我罢,请你收回这颗心罢。

            在这样大的血泪的海中,一个人一颗心算得什么?能做什么?妈妈,请你诅咒我罢,请你收回这颗心罢。我不要它了。

            可是我的母亲已经死了多年了。

          本文标题:巴金:你既然爱我,为何又要苦苦地留住我?

          本文链接http://www.tforce-tech.com/sanwen/shanggan/2289.html

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